


The Best (And Worst) of Both Worlds

by CaptainJZH



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Comedy of Errors, Gen, Rose Quartz is Pink Diamond Theory, Secret Identity, Spoilers for Episode: s05e18 A Single Pale Rose, Wacky Antics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-06 09:27:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14638956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainJZH/pseuds/CaptainJZH
Summary: One of Pink Diamond’s Agates has successfully organized a peace conference between Homeworld and the Crystal Gems. The only problem is, not only are Rose Quartz and Pink Diamond mutually unaware of the conference until the last minute, the two are actually the same person! How will she pull this one off without blowing her secret?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone else is writing angst in the wake of the new episodes, and I'm over here writing wacky secret identity antics.
> 
> Special thanks to CoreyWW, TheMarkovProperty, citrusella, e350tb and DirectorHachi (plus others I may be forgetting) for beta-reading/giving feedback.

“Pearl, what are my messages for today?” Pink Diamond asked as she sat down in the Moonbase for the first time in...two years? Maybe three? (Perhaps she would have kept better track if she had actually been doing her job).

 

“Oh, the mailing system is on the fritz again,” Pearl said as she navigated the Diamond Base computer, “I am certainly going to give the Peridots that programmed this thing a piece of my mind.”

 

Pink chuckled, “You do that, Pearl. Ah, that’s why I can’t wait to get back to Earth. No technology. Everything’s done by the seat of your pants.”

 

“What?” Pearl asked, turning her head.

 

“A human expression. I suppose it loses something in the translation. Which reminds me, we really need to revisit those settlements by that river sometime soon. I can’t wait to see how they’ve changed since I last saw them. Remember last time they were riding those things, houses? Or were they hoses? Horses? Yeah, I think they were horses. Ooh, do you think we’ll have time to-”

 

“Um, My Diamond?” Pearl interrupted.

 

“Yes, Pearl?”

 

“You have a message from Blue Diamond about, uh… I think you should read it for yourself.”

 

_ Pink,  _

 

_ It has come to my attention that you have scheduled negotiations with Rose Quartz. This is not acceptable behavior from a Diamond. We are not ones to show mercy to our enemies. However, as this is your colony, I will respect your decision. I look forward to the conference, and if Rose Quartz will not present adequate terms, we can use this opportunity to end the rebellion with more traditional means. _

 

_ \- Blue _

 

“Peace negotiations?” Pink asked out loud, “I didn’t organize that!”

 

“Neither did I, My Diamond,” Pearl agreed, “but there they are!”

 

“Wait, when did Blue send that message?”

 

Pearl pulled up the date on the message.

 

“TWO MONTHS AGO?!” Pink exclaimed, “When in the stars are these negotiations scheduled to begin?”

 

Pearl frantically opened another screen and found the appointment, buried in Pink’s itinerary.

 

“...tomorrow,” Pearl quietly said.

 

Pink restrained her anger and breathed in. She brought her fingers to the bridge of her nose, exhaling.

 

“That’s too late to cancel, I imagine,” Pink said with a sigh.

 

“It is,” Pearl informed her, “And according to these other messages, preparations are already underway at the Zoo.”

 

_ “It’s supposed to be at the Zoo?!” _

 

\---

 

Pink Agate-6XY was thrown violently in front of Pink Diamond’s feet.

 

“What made you even  _ think _ you could go behind my back and organize peace negotiations with Rose Quartz?”

 

“It’s just that, well, you know how you’re always saying we should take initiative? I, uh, thought you’d be proud of me!”

 

“I would be if you had asked!”

 

“I sent you a message about it-”

 

_ “IN PERSON!” _

 

“I tried but your schedule was booked-”

 

“Take her away!” Pink shouted to her guards, who quickly complied.

 

After a few moments, she turned to Pearl.

 

“Was I too harsh?” she asked.

 

Pearl shrugged.

 

“Schedule a disciplinary hearing for her and assign her a Zircon,” Pink said as she walked back to her seat.

 

“Yes, My Diamond,” Pearl replied, returning to the computer console.

 

“And do the same for the Peridots who messed up the computer.”

 

“Yes, My Diamond.”

 

“Also, have preparations made for my ship to depart tomorrow morning.”

 

“Yes, My Diamond.”

 

“And go down to Earth and find out who in the Crystal Gems organized this on my behalf. But...be discreet.”

 

“I can be discreet!” Pearl said defensively.

 

\---

 

“You did  **_what_ ** ?!” Pearl asked Garnet in the back room of one of their rebel bases.

 

“The Agate approached us while you and Rose were away, and as acting commander, I made the arrangements. I do not understand how you did not know about it. I had it broadcast across the Wailing Stone Network after the conference was finalized and sent a messenger to tell Rose personally.”

 

“I was...out on reconnaissance! You knew that! Besides, who did you send to tell Rose anyway?”

 

“One of the Rubies.”

 

It took all of Pearl’s restraint to not facepalm at that decision.

 

\---

 

“You know what the worst part is?” Pink began, “I can’t even be mad at Garnet.”

 

“That’s what I’m for,” Pearl said with a bitter laugh.

 

“We’ll have to commend her when we return. But now,” Pink said as she looked at the time, “let’s go negotiate with ourselves.”


	2. Chapter 2

The Zoo was probably the best place for Rose Quartz and Pink Diamond to meet. 

 

Well, in theory anyway. Both parties were familiar with the layout, and the station’s contents meant neither side would risk attacking. That’s probably why Garnet and Pink Agate-6XY agreed to make that the place for the negotiations. If only Pink and Rose were two different people.

 

The plan was this: Pink’s ship would dock at the Zoo’s hangar bay, and Pink and Pearl would quietly make their way to Pink’s private chambers. Pink would then shapeshift into Rose Quartz, and Pearl would transform into her rebel attire, and the two would exit through the service entrance and go back around to re-enter the chamber as their rebellious alter egos. It was supposed to be a closed-doors meeting, which made it infinitely easier.

 

Or rather, that was what Rose and Pearl thought it would be.

 

“Pearl, why are there so many ships in orbit around the Zoo?” Pink asked as they approached the outpost.

 

“Your knowledge is as good as mine, My Diamond.”

 

Once they were docked, they found over two dozen Homeworld reporters and over a hundred more spectators crowding the hangar bay. Without their knowledge, the meeting of Rose Quartz and Pink Diamond had become the VIP event of the millenium within the empire.

 

Pink sighed.

 

“Let’s put on our Homeworld faces.”

 

The doors opened, and they were bombarded by cheers and camera flashes.

 

Pearl walked behind Pink as she silently waved at the crowd, a fake smile spread across her face. After a couple minutes, Pearl noticed Pink was starting to freeze in place.

 

“Walk faster, My Diamond,” Pearl whispered through her teeth.

 

Pink upped her pace and quickly made her way down the hall.

 

It may not have been going exactly to plan, but at least they would be able to recoup in her chambers and figure the rest out there (she had no doubt the reporters would want a up-close look at the nefarious Rose Quartz).

 

The doors opened, and there stood Blue and Yellow.

 

_ “We must have missed another memo,”  _ Pearl thought.

 

A bigger, faker smile appeared on Pink’s face as the doors shut behind her.

 

“Blue! Yellow! It’s so good to see you!” Pink said a little too loudly.

 

“It is good to see you too, Pink,” Blue said, “Though let’s not forget that this is not a  _ joyous _ occasion. You are about to meet with one of the worst Gems we’ve ever known. The insidious, horrible Rose Quartz. This is a risky endeavor, but we’re here in case anything goes wrong.  _ Right,  _ Yellow?”

 

“Yeah, sure, sure,” Yellow said, distracted by some scratches on the back of her glove.

 

“When is Rose Quartz supposed to arrive?” Blue asked.

 

“Oh, um, soon,” Pink said, “Very soon. Rebels aren’t very punctual, ya know? They’re, like, rebels. So it’s, uh...rebellious of them?”

 

“That makes sense,” Blue said.

 

A painful, awkward silence followed.

 

_ “This is why most of our conversations are arguments,”  _ Pink thought.

 

Pearl recognized that this was going nowhere fast, and silently kicked the back of her Diamond’s foot.

 

“Oh!” Pink exclaimed, snapping out of the awkwardness, “I...uh…”

 

She looked down at Pearl, half-heartedly expecting her to speak up and get her out of this, but quickly realized that it wouldn’t be the place of her to do so. She was on her own.

 

“...forgot that I put the kettle on! Oh that Rose Quartz, such a fan of Earth stuff, one has to have refreshments if one wants to make peace! I’ll just go and see how it’s going,” Pink said as she walked backwards towards the door. To her embarrassment, Pink hit the door, which had yet to open.

 

“PEARL!”

 

“Oh right,” Pearl muttered, running to the control panel.

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll be right back!” Pink said as she stepped through the threshold and the two doors shut behind her.

 

In the silence that followed, Yellow had only one thing to say.

 

“What’s a ‘kettle’?”


	3. Chapter 3

“Oh my!” Pink shouted at the spectators lining the hall, “Rose Quartz is arriving! Right now!”

 

The spectators rushed back down to the hangar bay while Pink and Pearl ducked into another corridor.

 

Once they were sure the coast was clear, Pink Diamond transformed into Rose Quartz and “Pink Diamond’s Pearl” transformed into that terrifying, renegade Pearl that on Homeworld was only heard about through hushed whispers.

 

Rose let out a long sigh.

 

“Let’s not keep our adoring public waiting,”

 

\---

 

Luckily, nobody found it odd that Rose and Pearl were arriving through the same ship Pink Diamond had arrived in.

 

Less luckily, but probably more expected, was the loud booing and insults hurled at the two by the spectators.

 

“Go back to Earth!” one Morganite shouted.

 

“Pearls don’t fight!” an Aquamarine said before throwing a piece of scrap metal at the two.

 

“Shatter her!” an Agate cried out.

 

As Rose and Pearl made their way down the hallway, the crowd took up “Shatter her” as their chant, echoing it nonstop until the duo’s ears started to ring.

 

The doors of Pink Diamond’s chamber opened, and Rose cowered before the very Gems who had only a moment earlier had been so hospitable towards her (even if Rose usually saw them as hostile either way).

 

“Rose Quartz,” Yellow said, her eyes squinting suspiciously.

 

Rose found herself suddenly silent. She hadn’t actually thought of what to say. 

 

Pearl, now in her renegade form, felt free to speak up in Rose’s place.

 

“Greetings, Yellow and Blue Diamond,” Pearl began as she stepped forward, “I hope we can make this a productive-”

 

“Get back in your place, Pearl!” Blue hissed.

 

“Besides, you’re here to negotiate with Pink,” Yellow said, “We’re just here to observe.”

 

“Oh!” Rose exclaimed, “I just remembered! There’s, uh, something I needed to do, um…”

 

“The humans in the Zoo!” Pearl continued once it became clear Rose couldn’t think of anything, “You have to go check on them!”

 

“Right! I, Rose Quartz, just love humans and since Pink Diamond isn’t here yet and I have no idea when she’ll be here, I might as well give them a look!”

 

Rose grabbed Pearl and ran out the door.

 

“Hate to be rude, but we’re rebels!” Rose called out as she pushed Pearl down the hall to an alcove, where the two quickly transformed back into their Homeworld counterparts. Pink and Pearl walked in only a couple seconds later.

 

“Pink, you just missed Rose Quartz,” Blue said, “She had the  _ nerve _ to leave to check on those humans in the Zoo just because you weren’t here yet!”

 

“Oh that Rose Quartz, so rebellious. Anyway, how are things going on at that colony of yours, Yellow?”

 

Yellow pulled Pink aside to a corner of the room, where Blue couldn’t hear them.

 

“Now, once the peace talks begin,” Yellow said in a hushed tone, “we’ll have lured Rose Quartz right into a trap. You just snap your fingers, and every soldier in the base will descend onto her position. How clever of you to use the semblance of mercy as a weapon.”

 

_ “What?”  _ Pink asked in a whisper that was still a bit too loud.

 

Yellow, after checking to see if Blue hadn’t noticed, grabbed Pink by the shoulder and gritted her teeth.

 

“The  _ trap _ that you’ve expertly laid for Rose Quartz, that you and  _ only you _ did the planning for without any help from me, because you are actually a  _ competent _ Diamond who can do her job for once,  _ Pink _ .”

 

“Yeah, yeah that,” Pink said as she decided she would deal with that problem later, “Blue! How are you?”

 

“I’m admiring how well behaved your Pearl is,” Blue said, “You should have seen the one Rose Quartz was toting around. So disruptive. Nothing like yours, of course.”

 

“Nope, no resemblance at all.”

 

Pink didn’t have to look to know Pearl was rolling her eyes.

 

“How long can one take to check on humans?” Yellow asked, “Rose Quartz has gone from unpunctual to disrespectful.”

 

“I have an idea!” Pink shouted, “I’ll go look for Rose and if I find her, I’ll bring her here! Pearl, stay.”

 

Pearl looked up at Pink as she swiftly walked out of the room, exchanging looks that were best described as “What in the world are you doing?” and “I have no clue please help.”

 

“But couldn’t you have some guards bring her?” Blue tried to suggest before the doors slammed shut.

 

“She tries to do everything herself,” Blue observed, “No delegating.”

 

“Agreed,” Yellow then said, “We’ll have to do something about that.”

 

“Yes we will.”

 

“Any ideas?”

 

“None at all.”

 

“Glad we’re on the same page, then.”

 

The doors then suddenly reopened, and in came Rose Quartz.

 

“What up, Diamonds?” Rose said in what she thought was a nonchalant manner.

 

“We should shatter you right now,” Blue said with a tinge of frustration.

 

“Okay, tough room,” Rose muttered, “Anyway, where’s Pink Diamond?”

 

“She just left the room to look for you. If you hadn’t left, maybe you wouldn’t have missed her,” Yellow said passive-aggressively.

 

“Yeah maybe…”

 

“Where is your Pearl?” Blue asked, curious.

 

“Oh I don’t know,” Rose said with a shrug, “who can keep track of Pearls anyway?”

 

“Pink Diamond can keep track of hers. Very well.”

 

“Well, uh, I did not know that. I should ask her for advice when we meet. Which is something that is definitely going to happen today.”

 

Yellow gestured to Pearl and said, “You see that, Rose Quartz? That’s a model Pearl. We should get yours and Pink’s together! Maybe yours will learn a thing or two about discipline.”

 

“First of all,” Rose began, anger suddenly in her eyes, “That is something that is definitely possible. Secondly, she is not  _ mine. _ Pearl is her own Gem, with or without me. She’s done things no Pearl could even think about doing, and she decided to do those things  _ on her own.  _ So I don’t appreciate  _ you _ insinuating that  _ I _ am her owner!”

 

Pearl made a throat-clearing noise. Rose had inadvertently started pointing at her, as if she– the Pearl belonging to Pink Diamond –was the one being referred to instead of the Terrifying Renegade Pearl.

 

Rose blushed in embarrassment as she detracted her hand.

 

“Excuse me,” Rose said as she turned and walked towards the service exit.

 

“I’ll be back,” she said as the doors closed, gesturing to Pearl to follow.

 

After a few seconds of silence, Pearl suddenly said, “Oh what’s that? My Diamond is calling for me!” before she too made her way out the service exit.

 

\---

 

“Ugh, this is going so  _ badly _ ,” Rose said, her face buried deep in her palms.

 

“It’s not that bad,” Pearl tried to reassure her, “We just need to stall long enough to come up with a plan.”

 

“Well Blue and Yellow better not have any plans made for the next century because this is going to take a while.”

 

“C’mon, we’ll get through this. We’ve been in worse scrapes,” Pearl said with a chuckle.

 

“Aw, I love it when you get like that.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“All concerned and stuff. You’re cute when you care.”

 

“Well you’re cute when you’re frustrated.”

 

Rose let out a bitter chuckle.

 

“In that case, I must be gorgeous.”

 

Pearl and Rose laughed and then blushed for a few moments, before realizing that this wasn’t exactly the time nor the place.

 

“I guess it’s time I showed my face in there again,” Rose said with a sigh.

 

After Rose transformed back into Pink, she and Pearl turned around to make their way back into the chambers, suddenly finding themselves face to face with Blue Pearl and Yellow Pearl, who had been standing right behind them the whole time.

 

Their jaws were practically on the floor, with Yellow Pearl’s eyes wide-open in shock. Blue Pearl was less easier to read, but suffice it to say she was stunned as well.

 

Pink’s Pearl was the one who broke the silence.

 

“...We can explain.”


	4. Chapter 4

“ **_MY DIAM_ ** -!” Yellow Pearl tried to say before being tackled by Pearl.

 

Pink quickly transformed back into Rose and ushered the Pearls into the conveniently-empty Quartz Barracks. Pearl found some loose wire and used it to tie the two other Pearls up.

 

“ _ You will not get away with this!”  _ Yellow Pearl shouted, “I’m going to report you to My Diamond! No, scratch that! I’m going to report you to all the Diamonds! Wait, I have an even better idea! I’ll report you to your own Diamond! And she will love me for taking the initiative, and send oodles of compliments to  _ My Diamond _ , and then I’ll get all the rewards for your capture! And then I’ll get my own Pearl and I’ll get to boss her around all day and all night, and then we’ll see how  _ she  _ likes it!”

 

“We don’t have time for this,” Rose said, massaging her forehead, “Pearl, do something about these two. I’ll see you back in there.”

 

“With pleasure,” Pearl said as Rose exited the room, Yellow Pearl trying to scream for help and Blue Pearl quietly resigning herself to the situation.

 

\---

 

“Hey!” Pink shouted out as she entered, “How’s Rose Quartz?”

 

“Oh, she got all upset about something and left,” Yellow said, “Another one of those ‘rebel’ things you mentioned, I suppose.”

 

“Yeah those rebels, always rebelling,” Pink muttered, “Ain’t that a shame…”

 

“Where’s your Pearl? You usually have her with you.”

 

“Oh, um…”

 

Saving Pink from the next awkward explanation of the day was Pearl, who re-entered the room before Pink could embarrass herself even further.

 

“Here she is now,” Pink said, relieved.

 

Pink’s eyes widened immediately as she realized her grievous mistake. Pearl was in her renegade form now, not her Pink Pearl form.

 

“ _ Frack, _ ” Pink said under her breath, “My mistake, uh, this is Rose’s renegade Pearl, obviously, and not the one I have. Pearl is...uh…Goodness what’s that?!”

 

As the two other Diamonds turned to look in the direction Pink pointed, Pearl quickly ducked behind a pillar and transformed back into her Homeworld form.

 

“Oh silly me, I must have spotted one of those...thingy things,” Pink laughed off once the Diamonds realized there was nothing to look for, “Anyway, Pearl’s right over here!”

 

“What happened to Rose’s Pearl?” Blue asked.

 

“She must have left to find Rose Quartz. Anyway, I’m sure you two are busy today, and I don’t want to take up any more of your time with my foolish nonsense-”

 

“Oh it’s no trouble at all!” Blue insisted, “We don’t want that terrible Rose Quartz to do anything to you.”   
  


“I assure you, I can take care of myself.”

 

“Yeah, just like you can take care of that colony…” Yellow muttered.

 

Blue gave Yellow a look that read as “please not right now” and turned back to Pink.

 

“It’s just that with your, er, condition, Pink, you may not be up to defend yourself against someone like Rose Quartz.”

 

“ _ What’s that supposed to mean? _ ” Pink asked.

 

“Stars know you can’t lead a  _ colony _ against Rose Quartz, who knows how you would do in actual combat…” Yellow said in what was supposed to be a muttering but was just loud enough to be heard.

 

“Yellow, stop it,” Blue whispered.

 

“Well it’s  _ true _ , just look at her!” Yellow lashed out, “She’s not even  _ barely _ as tall as she’s supposed to be, her colony is hundreds of years behind schedule, and she can’t even handle a simple rebellion by an ordinary quartz soldier!”

 

“Now let’s just calm down,” Blue said, attempting to defuse the situation, “Pink, it’s just that, well, we know what’s best for you and-”

 

Pink erupted.

 

“ _ You don’t know me!”  _ she shouted, _ “You never knew me! I know what I’m doing, and _ YOU. DON’T. GET. TO TELL ME. HOW TO RUN. MY COLONY!”

 

When Pink shouted, she shapeshifted ever so slightly so she was bigger than usual. It was something that only happened when she got angry as Pink, but it gave Pearl an idea.

 

As Pink and Yellow continued to argue, Pearl quietly slipped out the service exit, unnoticed.

 

“Pink! Settle down!” Blue said as she tried to stop the argument, “Arguing with Yellow isn’t going to do anything.”

 

“And letting her just...say that stuff  _ is _ ?” 

 

“Now listen here-”

 

The argument was interrupted by the main doors opening once again...revealing Rose Quartz standing in the doorway.

 

“Finally,” Yellow said to break the silence.

 

Pink found her mouth hanging open, dumbfounded by what she was seeing. Pink Diamond and Rose Quartz  _ in the same room? _ Impossible! Unless…

 

“I hope I didn’t keep you waiting.”

 

Pink knew that voice anywhere. 

 

That, coupled with this Rose Quartz being significantly paler than normal (which was disguised, thankfully, by the pink lighting in the room), made her realize who this was.

 

_ “My clever Pearl…”  _ she thought, holding back a smirk.

 

She was snapped back into reality by the sound of “Rose” making a throat-clearing noise as she stood before her.

 

“Oh right,” Pink said with a self-aware chuckle, “Welcome, Rose Quartz, to my Zoo. I hope we can make this a productive discussion.”

 

“If I may be so bold,” Pearl-Rose began, “I feel as though I am not on equal footing.”

 

“Really?” Pink asked, feigning surprise, “Why?”

 

“Well it’s just that I, knowing how mathematics work and all, recognized that it’s three-to-one here, and, forgive me if this is rude, these oversized Rubies are taking up way too much space.”

 

Blue and Yellow’s eyes widened at that insult.

 

“Why you-!” Yellow started to say before suddenly finding herself and Blue being pushed out of the room.

 

“Sorry, you have to leave so soon!” Pink quickly said as she shoved the two Diamonds into the hallway, “Don’t worry about me I got this all under control, gotta offer those olive branches after all! See ya later!”

 

The doors slammed shut and Pink let out a big sigh as she pressed her back against a pillar.

 

Pearl let her body return to its Renegade form, as did Pink, transforming back into Rose.

 

The two rebels embraced each other in a long, tight hug.

 

“I’m so glad that’s over,” Rose said, almost tearing up.

 

“So am I…” Pearl laughed, “Shapeshifting really takes a lot out of me.”

 

“It was genius!” Rose cried out, lifting Pearl into the air, “Nobody suspected a thing!”

 

“Oh it was nothing!” Pearl said, her cheeks turning blue.

 

“That wasn’t nothing! Telling the Diamonds that they were like oversized Rubies?”

 

“Well, that I just thought of in the moment…”

 

“That makes it even better!”

 

Pearl giggled.

 

“No it doesn’t.”

 

“Yes it does!”

 

“No it doesn’t!”

 

“Yes it does!”

 

“No it doesn’t!”

 

“Pearl,” Rose said as she stopped laughing, “If you keep this up, we’ll win this rebellion in snap!”

 

In that moment, Rose snapped her fingers. 

 

The sound of a Diamond snapping their fingers was unmistakable, even when masked by shapeshifting, which was precisely why Yellow made it the signal to spring every soldier in the base on the two rebels lured into Pink’s trap.

 

Rose only realized what she had done when the doors swung open, with over a hundred soldiers and assorted Gem spectators all looking to bring in the gems of Rose Quartz and Her Terrifying Renegade Pearl.

 

She only had one thing to say.

 

“Aw,  _ shale. _ ”


	5. Chapter 5

“I cannot  _ believe  _ that Rose Quartz was masquerading as Pink Diamond!” Yellow Pearl said, tied up in a maintenance closet with Blue Pearl.

 

“I thought that it was Pink Diamond masquerading as Rose Quartz,” Blue Pearl disagreed.

 

“I’ve seen Pink Diamond before,” Yellow Pearl argued, “and she does  _ not _ look like that!”

 

“Have you seen Rose Quartz before?”

 

“I’ve seen the file photos!”

 

“Well I saw her once in person. And that was not Rose Quartz. She was much more pink when I saw her. That must have been Pink Diamond.”

 

Yellow Pearl let out a “ _ harumph _ .”

 

“I know I’m right,” she said, “You’re just being mean.”

 

“That’s what you think.”

 

The Pearls’ argument was interrupted by a large commotion out in the hall.

 

“What’s all that about?” Yellow Pearl asked.

 

“Perhaps it’s White Diamond masquerading as Pink Diamond’s Pearl.”

 

“Maybe...Hey!”

 

The large commotion was, in fact, around two hundred Gems running at the perceived sound of Pink Diamond’s fingers snapping, which was the signal to spring a trap on the nefarious Rose Quartz and her Pearl.

 

“Rose, I didn’t bring a sword…” Pearl concerningly remarked as the mob swarmed into the chambers.

 

“Neither did I,” Rose said before reaching for her gem, “But I do have a shield!”

 

Rose summoned her shield as big as she could make it and threw it at the mob of Gems, which plowed into them but only managed to knock out half of the forces before the weapon dematerialized.

 

“I think the diplomatic process is starting to break down,” Rose quipped.

 

“C’mon!” Pearl shouted, grabbing Rose and making a break for the service exit.

 

“They’re getting away!” an Amethyst cried out.

 

As the crowd charged after them, Rose and Pearl slid out into the hallway. The sliding doors of the service exit slammed shut, and Rose smashed the control panel with her shield, shorting out the doors’ circuits.

 

Amid the crowd’s screaming and banging against the doors, Pearl remarked, “Hopefully that’ll buy us some time until they figure out that they can just go around the other way.”

 

_ “Oh yeah! We can just go around the other way! Thanks Renegade Pearl!” _ a voice said from the other side, followed by the sound of hundreds of Gems running back the way they came.

 

Rose shot Pearl a look.

 

“What?” Pearl asked, earnestly.

 

“Nevermind that, let’s go!” Rose said as she ran down the hall, Pearl following behind.

 

“No, what?” Pearl continued to ask, “How was I supposed to know they would hear that?”

 

“Nevermind! We have to beat them past that corner!”

 

And, as if the universe decided that Rose Quartz needed  _ more _ problems in her life, the mob of Gems came running down the adjoining corridor, their screams almost deafening.

 

Just as they were about the round the corner, Yellow and Blue Pearl suddenly burst out of the maintenance closet, still tied up back-to-back. At first Yellow Pearl’s face was one of relief and victory at her escape, but it quickly faded into sheer terror at the crossroads she found herself in.

 

“ _ Frack, _ ” Yellow Pearl whimpered.

 

“Here, catch!” Rose called out as she grabbed the two tied-up Pearls and threw them into the crowd, directly knocking over half a dozen Gems and causes many more to trip over each other in the ensuing pile-up.

 

**_“MY DIAMOOOOOOOOOND!!!”_ ** Yellow Pearl screamed.

 

“Oh  _ shut up _ ,” Blue Pearl muttered.

 

Rose and Pearl ran right down the hall to the hangar bay, home free.

 

\---

 

“Hello,” Rose said into the PA system, “This is Pink Diamond.” 

 

Pearl couldn’t help but snicker at how indistinguishable Pink’s and Rose’s voices were. They had barricaded the entrances to the hangar bay, and were about to escape on Pink’s Leg Ship. All Rose had to do was tie up some loose ends.

 

“The  _ evil _ Rose Quartz and her  _ Terrifying Renegade Pearl _ have unfortunately escaped in a Roaming Eye, but I am about to pursue them on my personal ship with my own, dedicatedly loyal Pearl, and will no doubt quelch this Rebellion once and for all!”

 

“Quelch?” Pearl asked, “I haven’t heard you use that word before.”

 

“I’ve used it before!” Rose said as she shut off the control panel.

 

“When?”

 

“I don’t remember! What, do you keep track of when you use certain words? Anyway, tell Nephrite we’re ready to depart.”

 

“Uh,” Pearl began, “I think she left to join the angry mob.”

 

“Very well,” Rose said with a sly smile, “Then it’ll be just us. My Pearl can fly me to the Moon this time.”

 

“Oh I was thinking more like...Earth. That river settlement from a few years ago, perhaps?”

 

“Yeeeeeesss!” Rose squealed, stars in her eyes, “Let’s go!”

 

And so Rose grabbed Pearl by the arm and ran aboard the Leg Ship, which subsequently blasted off towards Earth.

 

\---

 

“My Diamond!” Yellow Pearl shouted as she ran towards Yellow and Blue Diamond, still tied to Blue Pearl (who was more or less dragging along the floor upside-down at this point).

 

“Pearl? Where in Stars’ name have you been?” Yellow Diamond asked, though she had honestly forgotten she had even brought Pearl with her in the first place.

 

“Rose...Rose Quartz...was...is, uh, P-Pink Diamond…” Yellow Pearl stammered out before collapsing to the floor in exhaustion.

 

“What? Rose Quartz and Pink Diamond were together only a few minutes ago. Now stop this nonsense and get back to work.”

 

“Y-yes, My Diamond,” Yellow Pearl said as she struggled to get up, with Blue Pearl resigning herself to her fate.

 

“Did you hear that Blue?” Yellow remarked, “Pearl thinks Rose Quartz was Pink Diamond.”

 

She let out a laugh. 

 

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end! Thank you all for your comments, kudos, and all around feedback :)


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